Disheartened

I finally completed my cross stitch so now I have all the time I want to spend looking at my computer screen all day. Can finally blog out my unhappiness.

Sighz.. It's very disheartening to be sending out loads of application for jobs daily to get no reply in return. What is wrong with all the employers out there? Is resume all that you see to decide if a person has potential? It is just a fucking piece of paper! Just like education certs!

Even the few interviews I went came back with disappointing results. I'm sick and tired of going to interviews, answering the same stupid questions every single time. Is it a trend this days for an employer to say how good they think you are but in the end doesn't employ you?

In the past, if a hirer mention how good he/she thinks I am then it's a guarantee plus chop confirmation that I will definitely be hired. Seems like it's not the case this days. They seem to say it for the sake of saying so as not to offend me like that. Knn. Give people false hope. Really knn.

On the surface, I may seem like I'm okay but I'm not. I feel frustrated and depressed not being able to find a job for so long. It feels like there is a hulk in me getting ready to explode anytime. If I become hulk, my neh neh will show so cannot.

But yet, some people can think I'm enjoying myself being jobless shaking leg at home and always make snide remarks like, "Very shiok! Don't need to work." It is loosely translated to my ears that I am being useless.To this I say, FUCK YOU! Seriously, fuck you okay? I depress need to show it out? I need to lock myself in my room everyday and cry to show how depressed I am? I need to slit my wrist? Need to bang my head on the wall?

It is not in my nature to show how upset I am to the world so people around me would get depressed also. It's hard to feel really upset when Naomi is around me doing what Naomi usually does. Being weird and acting like an adult that either makes me laugh or pissed off. Still, it doesn't mean I'm not upset and depressed. Just keeping everything within me cause I don't wanna explode to become hulk and expose my neh neh.

I'm really lucky to have SMBF by my side during this tough period of time always showing me support. I know I may have threw my frustrations on him a few times but he always takes it in his stride. Hah! Like real lor. He exploded on me a couple of times too but not always lah. He has been very understanding and supportive towards me.

He encourages me to wait for the job that I think I will enjoy doing and not just randomly jump into any jobs that offer me just for the sake of having a job. I know he wants me to enjoy what I'm doing and be happy. If it wasn't for him. I think I will really lose hope already.

Thanks dear! I love and hate you at the same time. =)