You don't know me

 I feel like even after being together for 7 years, you still don't really understand me nor what I want.

Things that can be resolved within the day, you refuse to do it despite knowing how I feel about unresolved issues.

You chose to drag till the next day where I am angry and disappointed. U chose to speak to me in an indignant tone like everything is my fault.

U chose to add salt to my wounds by shouting to darling that I was the one who did all the evil things to her even though I'm already feeling miserable for what I have done. Even when my heart is bleeding from what I have done.

I feel like life is meaningless. I cried many silent tears to myself because of the pain I inflicted.

I still look forward to your promise of coming to fetch me but it didn't happen. Apparently you no longer love me. My heart broke again. I'm being transported to 7 years ago where I no longer know how to love before meeting you.

I tried to cut myself up with the penknife but couldn't do it when she came in and knock on the door. I hate to make my parents and Naomi sad for my sudden departure. I hate to upset my loved ones but I also hate myself for not having the courage to just end my life.

If being alive without a heart and soul is what I have to be now then so be it. I no longer want to be happy anymore because I don't deserve it just like I don't deserve to be alive.

I am a lousy mother, daughter and a human being. I pray for the Lord to take me away in my sleep.